Not sure where to begin.  I had the perfect life, wonderful neighbors in the beautiful town of Concow, a beautiful home, pets who I adored with all my heart.  When the Camp Fire happened this was all taken away.  One of my neighbors died, several of my pets died, my dream home is gone.  As my home began to burn I was forced to make the choice of either a) fleeing with the pets I could get into my vehicle and leaving with my ill husband, or b) staying and trying to get everyone evacuated but possibly getting all of us killed in the fire in the process.  I wonder every day if I made the right choice.

I am now in a new state, in a beautiful town.  Everyone here is so nice, and I have a new home as well.  I know I should just feel lucky to be alive, but something inside me died that day and cannot be recovered.  I miss my pets, my home, and my neighbors and it sickens me that some did not make it.  I dream each night of my pets who died and the idea of their suffering terrifies me.  I cannot eat or sleep normally now; nothing brings me pleasure anymore.  I am bereft.  I cannot abide the death of my community.

I have decided to give myself one year, until November 8th, 2019, to see if anything will change.  Sometimes I wish that I too had died that day.

Jane